Tired. Just got in. Was at local Whole Foods vegetarian/vegan food sampling and store tour. Fun, but feet tired.

Paul liked to tofu corquettes the best. Julia liked the lentil quinoa with chard. I pretty much liked it all except I skipped the Silk yogurt (Julia eats it at home already, I don't like it being so sweet) and the cheese doodle things because I don't eat those at all. Ever set one on fire? Nobody ought to eat something that blazes up like that. Organic or not. Ew.

At store noticed I was breathing through both nostrils. Intersting because I've read it takes 7 days or so for excess mucus to clear your system when you give up dairy products. It's only been like 3 1/2. So we'll see how I'm doing in another 3 1/2 days.

More later.

Day 3 on WW. Feeling good this morning. We ordered chinese last night, which is something we rarely do at all and something I was even more apprehensive about since it was just my second official day on WW. But I knew what I could have and how much, so that was good. I used 4 flexpoints, which I didn't want to use, but hey, they're there for these sorts of occassions and I'm happy to have come out of the day doing well.

It's brrrrr cooold outside. It snowed last night and continues today. We're still sick, so there is no venturing out to the gym. Speaking of which, it's good to hear that you two are doing well with your eating/exercising. :)

I'd like to get in a work out today. I lent my exercise DVD to a friend and havent got it back yet. I have one that's too hard, so I should just try it and walk through the when I get too tired, something's better then excuses, m'thinks.

• What: rest day
  

Took today as a rest day from exercise. Struggling with insomnia. I've had very little sleep in the last 4 days. There's a lot on my mind.

I'm feeling a bit anxious about signing the membership book at class Wed night. How often does a person change their religion in life?

Then there's extended family stuff I'm worrying over. Don't really want to get into that here, but it's there in my head, chewing away at my peace of mind.

Then on another level house craziness... Sprinkler guy came all day long and dug up the lawn and sprayed to kill grass and he comes back tomorrow. I have to hang around babysitting them.

Water company hasn't called me back re: new water meter for sprinkler water.

Roofing company has not called me back re: completion of roof job. What do I need to sign off on now? Are we done with payment? Return my messages!

I've asked my playgroup moms for help with getting the backyard into shape and I'll be hosting a working playdate. Never did that before and I hope I get a response to the invite, and more importantly... some helping hands!

I have to struggle to find a general contractor to come mend the INSIDE of the house now that they outside is about done.

I have to call some backflow vlave people to do a backflow thing for the new water meter (once it is installed).

I have to check the hurricane supplies and make sure we're restocked before another season starts in May and things are bought out at the stores. Especially storm tape for the windows.

My parents called wanting to come over to play with Julia. My day was already crazy by this point so what was one more thing? I asked them to do me a favor since they live nearby to one and bring me some Uhaul boxes when they came over. I discovered Mom brought me 4 small and 4 medium when I asked for 12 small.

She said she thought the smalls were too small so got me mediums. I thanked her and paid her back for them, but now I have to go return the 4 mediums and get 8 smalls. So I STILL have to go to Uhaul this week. Argh. When someone is doing you a favor and trying their best, it's not nice to be poopy about it.

But my parents still sometimes can't understand that I know my own mind, and when I say a thing is, it just IS. So I was a little peeved Mom is still second guessing me after all these years. I don't want to cause my back problems and small boxes are all I want to be carrying. I'd rather use a lot of smalls than struggle or get hurt lugging mediums about.

She'd asked me earlier why I don't use trash bags and I said I have a toddler who runs around and I wanted boxes so the things would be enclosed firmly until I get Salvation Army to come out and car them off. Then if she bops into a sturdy box, not a big deal. If she bops into a flimsy bag with some sharp pokey thing or breakable in it -- then what? She gets hurt!

Where's the common sense?! I do what I do for a REASON, people!

Actually, when Mom started bugging me about some other choice I made Dad surprised me by saying "Do you live here? Are you the one paying? Is it your business? Leave the girl alone!" Been getting along with Dad much better than Mom lately now that I think about it. I'll have to reflect on this some more later.

Had a long talk with Monique on the phone today -- I have to send her a card for being so great listening to me rant and rave. I feel a lot better after talking to her.

Now that I've had a nap, nursed the kid, and she's down for a bit, I want to take advantage of the free time to sort out my produce delivery from this morning and get a jump start on cooking for the week. I'm off!

I officially rejoined Weight Watchers this evening on a whim. I realized I'm not doing too hot on my own and I just can't expect the weight to fall off without action.

I had to sacrifice piano lessons to do it, so that was a bit disappointing. But, in a way, I got my cake and get to eat it too... within points, of course. My piano teacher is gonna let me take lessons every other week instead of every week, so I'm really glad about that.

I'm with you both on the skin issue. I lost some weight before getting pregnant with Olivia, about 30 lbs. So, I figured I had some growing room with that loose skin. Not enough, I suppose, because my skin is VERY different these days. I'm pretty much back to pre-pregnancy weight but my body has shifted in a big way.

My belly button is playing a disappearing act, pretty soon, it will only show its presence by a fold of skin resembling an upside-down "V" - I know, not a pretty thought, but it's the way it is, isn't it?

My stomach hangs considerably lower and I've always had stretch marks, but now, it's stretched with lines, dimples and considerably more wobbly. The breastfeeding boobs are now lower and less perky. And even though I didn't carry Olivia-the-fetus in my lovehandles or armpits, I somehow got stretch marks there as well.

The negative-nicole in me sometimes wonders if I will like this new, thinner body of mine. Negative Nicole wonders, I can't wear low cut J.Lo. pants, so what's the use of losing weight? Then I figure, it's time to grow up and at least come up with GOOD excuses, or none at all and if I wear clothes that fit, I'll look just as good!

Amy, what you said about your face, I feel the same. I don't think I'm cute (go you!) but I recognize me. My face is my old friend. So comforting because it's how I recognize it, it's the same. I sometimes think, will I miss the old me?

When I'm in bed, sometimes I rub my belly. It's so soft and lovely to the touch. Why not as pleasing to the eye? Sometimes I think, surely it looks better with fat in it than hanging down like an apron. Then I collect myself and know that weight loss is for my health and my body image brings me down too much to even consider staying this way in choice.

So... here we go! Funky skin and all.

• What: 30 min lawn mowing

First training day and I'm already swapping things around.

I was supposed to do weights today and then an easy 10-15 min walk tomorrow but I'm counting the 30 minutes of mowing as my easy walk and I'll deal with weights tomorrow instead. I wanted to take advantage of the weather holding and Julia being reasonably tolerant about sitting in her chair and just watching me mow. That lawn was in dire need of a haircut.

Not done with today's food log but when I finish it it will be my 8th day in a row. Go me.

Saw my doc this morning for my "Well Woman" check-up and I'm now waiting for my PAP results to come back. Dr. S. was pleased with the 15 lbs lost since I saw her around Halloween and I'm extra pleased because apart from net loss it also represents MAINTAINING over the holiday season.

Like Amy, I've got "I'm losing weight postpartum" related skin issues.

Stuff like stretch marks, bigger nursing breasts -- I was prepared for those.

I was NOT prepared for C-section incision scar chafe, inexplicable but dramatic fat shifting and rearranging, and skin being so dang loose as a result.

I can't remember my last weight workout, but I'm getting cut legs any way. At the same time, my stomach seems bigger and bigger. Or maybe not? Is it my breasts getting smaller and smaller? I have to take measures just so I have a reference point. It's just too strange.

Baby calls... so more later.

Hello Monday. Today is starting out well. After a weekend of engorgement I'm feeling disciplined. You know how you give in to temptation sometimes and it sooo wasn't worth it? Well, thinking about it, it never really is worth it... except there was this one time and this certain slice of cake...

Moving on! I'm feeling pretty good. I am going to call my piano teacher today to see if he'd be willing to let me have two lessons a month instead of weekly. This way, I could afford to attend WW meetings. I need to feel more active and accountable. Either way, I need to nip the gains in the bud now before I gain back what I worked so hard to lose. I really want to go to the gym today but Olivia is still a tad sick and I don't want people to think I'm spreading her germies everywhere. It's too cold outside for a walk and I lent my exercise video to my friend. So, I put two half hour "sessions" from FitTV on reminder. So this should be interesting!

I've got my monthly. Ughh... it's probably the most painful I've had in a long, long while. I'm glad there is no chocolate in the house. hehe

I find it difficult to stay on plan when I'm out of my usual environment, that's something that needs a lot of work.

I don't blame you. I greatly dislike being out of my environment too. Particularly when it comes to dining out with other people and they want to go to places I dislike or am not familiar with.

Even at my most lax, I still am concerned about blood glucose levels and greasy food. I may not grumble quite as much about vegetarian vs vegan, but the blood glucose is always a top priority. Then when I'm being stricter, I do get grouchy over lack of vegan options. These things are important to me.

So when people don't tell me in advance where we are going so I can plan ahead what I want to order, I get really irritable because it makes staying on track that much harder.

Websites like http://www.dietfacts.com/fastfood.asp help a lot and in order to take advantage of it, I have to know where we are going.

I know other people don't have the health issues or health food interests I do, and that's fine. They can have whatever it is they fancy. But I want to be able to have what I fancy too.

Grumpy Lump...

Gosh, my posts recently have been sooo negative. So, I'm here to apologize for this! Why keep boo-hooing over this struggle, excuses excuses. It's old!! Moving forward with a positive attitude! I won't get anywhere otherwise!

"Whoa! Backwards!" Saw the new course map for the 2006 half marathon and that was my first reaction.

Not only is the half on Saturday now, they have us doing a different course than in the past. We end at Epcot instead of Magic Kingdom. Totally not what I'm used to, and I'm going to have to take Paul and the kid out there to drive what we can of it and take pictures. Probably in fall.

My two pressing questions -- do we still have to do the old hilly bit at mile 6? What about the short hilly bit at the old mile 10? Because those are the parts that suck for me and my bum ankle.

Yargh.

[...]

Looks like we do the old mile 6 hilly bit twice -- once going in and once coming back. Argh.

And since I didn't go out to cheer this year I missed the Mile 10 hooha where people got closed out.

http://www.mouseplanet.com/more/mm050125lt.htm

til now.

Methinks I may have to reconsider jogging to pick up my pace. Argh again.

So I've been keeping a food log for a little over a month. I was reviewing my graphs to see how I'm doing.

Here's where I'm averaging:

• Calories 2000
• Carbohydrate = 260 g (52%)
• Protein = 75 g (15%)
• Fat = 68 g (31%)
• Saturated Fat = 27
• Cholesterol = 126
• Fiber = 27
• Sodium = 3069

The only two areas where I come out of range because of excess is sodium and saturated fat. Have to work on that. The other thing to work on is my timing... My meals are all random -- I need to eat every four hours to keep blood glucose stable. So I ahve to get better abotu cookgin ahead because the demands of the baby aren't going to let me eat properly jstu on the fly. Otherwise the proverbial slapdash sandwich, and of course, the bread is a big sodium hog.

One thing leads to another.

It's been a while. Olivia's been sick and we've been staying with my folks. Haven't had much time, but now we're back and trying to find our schedule again. Unfortunately with her sick and not sleeping well, it's hard to find that schedule. I hate seeing her sick. This is the first time and it's just sad and wretched.

Cat - I think people give their input on "how to raise kids" and their opinions on everything you do because they think they've figured out the "right way" and what worked and they want to spare you from having to try everything else. I think they think they're doing you a favor. They fail to realize that it's important for us to find our own footing and that just because what worked for their kids, doesnt mean it's THE way.

I know there were things I was set on and planned to do with Olivia that flew right out the window when I had her. :) I think you're wise to just not tell them too much, it only frustrates. I know I've so often felt out of place or "watched" with the ways I raise Olivia. I guess it's because my ways are part tradition, part 'alternative' I guess would be the word. So with any group, I felt like the odd one out now and then. I hope if there is a next time AND just in the future with her, I'm able to feel strong and firm on my ways and take comments with a grain of salt.

Amy - Go you for doing so well with your meal planning, journaling and have fun with your new vids! Belly dancing sounds like fun! Also CONGRATS to your husband for reaching his weight goal. He rocks!

I've been doing pretty badly with my eating as of late. No, not just going over point. Just living like I"m not watching my weight at all. It lasted for two days and maybe it's out of my system, mabye not. But it's good to be home. I find it difficult to stay on plan when I'm out of my usual environment, that's something that needs a lot of work. I havent' gained a load of weight, which I deserved to, but I'm moving forward.

Easter Plans? Probably packing up and visiting my folks for the day. I'd like to go to church, but they get soooo packed. Sadly enough, I can only think about germs. I can't wrap Olivia up in a hamster ball forever, padded with cotton balls. I guess it's just since she's sick for the first time, all I think of is all the germs out to get her. I dont' feel like visiting my foks the whole weekend like they always want, it just gets us too out of schedule.

I never really know what to do with myself from January 1 - April 1. I just sort of hang around. Waiting. Sometimes eating well, sometimes not., Sometimes working out, sometimes not. I don't know if this is a good thing yet or not. The annual lull.

Not that it matters any more because it's just about over. Next week I start up the Disney cycle. 9 mos, 3 sets of 3 mos. This is what's worked for me in the past and I'm not going to mess with it.

First set? Just getting back in the groove, all easy peasy. No pressure.

Second set? Training for miles, medium pressure. Gives me a good idea of whether or not I'm going to be ready and if there are problems I still have some time to work them out without panic.

Third set? Pressure's on. Big time. Because it's not just the miles, it's the holiday pitfalls to navigate myself through.

I was peeking at archives to see how I was feeling in previous Aprils. Now with a baby in tow, I thank the heavens I also don't have to be worrying about fundraising on the side. One day I'd like to do that again, but not any time soon.

I was also thinking about my attempt at Disney last year and why I couldn't finish so I can resovle those issues so they don't come up again this year.

I don't have the temperment to train in one cycle. Too intense and makes me nervy. I need three sets to ramp up to it.

I overestimated my family support. I look back on Julia's first year of life, and it wasn't just doom and gloom over the half-marathon... I had to listen to doom and gloom predictions for everything from my C-sect recovery to breastfeeding to infant potty training, to delaying solids, to discipline to... sapped a lot of my emotional energy to have to defend my choices at every turn. Why do people do this to new mothers? I have no idea.

This year I'm not bothering to tell the family what I'm up to. Needless grief.

I underestimated Julia's need for me as an infant. It wasn't so bad in the early part of training, but as the walks got longer it got really frustrating not to be able to carry one all the way through without having to pause to stop for nursing or potty or something. As a toddler she's needing me less and I have more experience now in shifting her schedule to accomodate my needs so that ought to solve that. Plus I'm making mom friends and working out babysitting swapping so that is a plus I did not have last year.

I got a free blank calendar template for MS Word and typed up my schedule. Had to shove some things around to accomodate vacations and major holidays but it looks decent.

So here we go again. :)

What are your plans for Easter? Are you having a big meal? Do you plan to stay healthy or are you going to take the day off?

We're going to church in the morning, then back home for a sandwich lunch and naps. Then we're having my parents over for dinner and baby play.

I want to stay on track -- I already had a weekend at my MIL's were things were a bit loose and after being sick all last week... I want normal back ASAP..

My mom offered to make a spiral ham which is fine with me because I don't want any nor do I want to cook any. I'm doing the rest of the meal and although the Indian inspired vegetarian menu from allrecipes.com was interesting, my dad is not keen on spicy food. So... I'm still thinking about what I feel like making. I know vegan, but what?

I'm back. Won't say I'm back in 100% working order, but definitely back, and definitely vastly improved if I managed a trip to my MIL's over the weekend and back. Coped with the dedication (baptism) for my niece and lunch out at Sonny's BBQ pit. Her parents treated the family to lunch out afterward... like 20 people.

I had a baked potato and salad bar and managed vegetarian at least, if not vegan.

Being ill this past week has made me completely leery of non-whole, non-vegan foods.

Not sure how I'm doing energy wise so I don't want to set any exercise goals, but for this week I want to set some basic food goals to get back on track. I'll be food logging all week. The two tricky days are going to be Wed. when we have class at church and I have to bring Paul dinner and then Easter when I'm having my parents over.

Day 1 down...

Today was Day 1 of WW. Not too shabby. I ate and felt very content by the end of the day. Made wonderful choices... just took a bit of preparation, which I'm not famous for, but I survived the day.

It's important that I am able to be open to cook more than just dinner. I dont want Olivia growing up on Ramen and Mac n cheese. Like me! Mm... ramen with egg. Mm.. mac n cheese.

I worked my BUTT off! It's been a couple months since I've gone to the gym. Olivia got a bit of socialization and I got "me" time. Good thing her favorite daycare worker was there as she had the anxious look on her face when we walked in.

I worked out... HARD. And the newest thing, I NEVER stopped pushing myself further. That was a big happy happy joy moment to testify of my recent weight loss. When I can't see it in the mirror, I can feel it in being able to really push myself during work outs and when I wanna give up, being able to push through it instead of feeling like Im gonna collapse on the floor reaching for my inhaler. Very cool and exciting.

I ate every last point as well, including those I earned. Olivia is down to nursing 2-3 times a day, only one of the nursings being an actual meal. So, I didnt' add in the extra 10 pts nursing moms get. I allowed myself an extra 6, even though that might be too much, right now I'd rather be safer than sorry.

So, feeling good and hopeful about tomorrow. Had some pineapple for desert. It was yum!

On the mend. No puking yesterday, kept some food down: fruit and plain pasta with tomato and onion. Lots of cramps, bloat and gas though. Ugh. We skipped church class last night -- too ugh to cope with driving.

Julia continues to do well, and Paul is fine though he mentioned feeling gassy over the weekend.

So why do I get to be the one all yucky? Ugh.

Yucky or not I have to go out this afternoon to complain at my HOA. I submitted our roof junk nad they're holding me up! Nothing int he mail from them -- not yes or no!

Feeling so frustrated and hopeless. Ugh. Got in an arguement with Paul this evening... ughhh. Blah. I'm so sick and tired of this weight loss escapade. I want to be healthier. I'm the only one holding me back.

I considered rejoining WW. Problem is, each time I do it, I end up cheating, then quitting. It's so odd. It's not WW, it's ME. I don't continue to make it work after the few first weeks. I also feel like giving up the South Beach, that I'm letting down Paul. Thing is, he's never been so helpful to me as he has been recently.

I think I could have success on WW if he continues to be supportive. Thing is, he thinks it won't work since I didnt make it work last times and that doing WW is just like giving up. I feel so discouraged and stuck. Tomorrow is a new day, though, and I will feel better.

Today is a new day...

I don't know why that is my title. I didn't wake up this morning feeling particularly refreshed, rejuvinated or newly committed. Maybe that's my title because that's how I want to feel. I think I need to take it into my own hands and not just wait for the feeling of recommitting to conveniently pass me by chance. Who knows when that day will come otherwise, and how much I'll gain by then.

So, I'm typing out a meal plan and a grocery list. I do not like meal plans. I'm not much of an organized person. I'm total ADHD and I get sidetracked so easily - exactly why I chose now of all time to write a journal entry... and procrastinate. I mean, we've always had grocery lists and dinner plans. But what I need to do is plan down to every meal and snack. I need to be like WW with my water and check the boxes off on the marker board on the fridge each day. Hmm...

I need to take charge and make a change. Even if this means... gulp... planning ahead. This is the only way to find permanent success, to continue to move forward and reach my goals. Otherwise, they will just remain goals that I dream, fantasize, wish about. I want to pass them... reach goals, make them piddley things of the past!

Olivia has been very demanding as of late. She is sooo busy, moving around all the time, needing to be stimulated, carried. I decided to sling her yesterday because of how much she wanted to be carried and look around. She was one happy baby. Now that she's older, she's loving it even more. Note to self: Make sling that expands wider at the back... owww.

Oh yes, and I desperately need to get working out. Enough talk... ACTION! I know if I work that hard I'll be less inclined to 'mess it up' with bad food choices. List time!

Sick.

Julia threw up twice yesterday. Today I'm the one who feels queasy and gross.

Don't think I'm going in for my allergy shot today. I just want to go back to bed. :(

[later]

Paul came home from work early to care for us. Julia is doing fine, but I'm out for the count. Threw up five times. The only thing I've been able to keep down is half an apple and then hours later an orange.

Trying to think of what else I fancy so it will actually stay down.

Hitting A Wall...

So true. After our 4 year anniversary dinner on Saturday night, where I indulged in two biscuits, a baked potato AND ice cream for desert, it's no wonder I woke up the next day with a larger appetite than usual. Expected. Today is the same, crave crave crave. Bread, bread, bread. Sugar, sugar, sugar.

I tried to be "back on track" today, but failed. In normal standards, I didn't do horribly thus far and it's not too late for me to do better. Bagels. Bagels are my downfall. Sure, it was whole wheat, but what a crazy amount of carbs. Mmm, cream cheese. Yummy yum.

Well, I'm not gonna beat myself up, but I want to catch myself before I gain so much back, catch myself whilst I'm still ahead. You can do it, Amy! I'm there with ya!

I think I also need to get exercising more. Just DOING it, makes me remember that I'm serious and working towards a goal.

Set the bar low last week with just one day of exercise. Met it, and this week I set it for two days of exercise. Got one down, one to go. I'm hoping to get it in later tonight or in the morning.

(Baby made me crazy today -- just one of those days where nothing is right and we get on each others nerves. She gets frustrated because she can't make herself be understood and then gets clingy. I get frustrated because I can't do anything else when she's wanting to hang on me.)

Been food logging -- that's going ok. The bar for that is just to jot it down -- not anything beyond it.

We started class at our Universal Unitarian church last night -- it was interesting. Have a lot to mull over but it's a step in the right direction spirituality wise. Julia did well in the nursery -- had a good time playing while we were in class. The nursery teacher asked about her diapers -- that's the third person who asked wanting to buy some for their own kid. I'll take it as a compliment.

Wrapping up my time of the month -- I have no idea why it took me so long to change over to cloth pads. The comfort difference is astronomical. I'm feeling more comfortable though as the PMS type bloating passes over.

Sprinkler guy is supposed to get the work done next week. That will be a small miracle. No word from HOA for my roof repair approval. It's been almost 2 weeks! So I have to go down there in the morning and fuss at them and then hit the allergist for my shot.

That eating out with family thing... ugh. I don't especially enjoy it either, Nikki.

My taste in restaurants aren't the same as other people's so I always want to know ahead of time where we are going so I can check the websites and decide what to order so it fits a) veg*n eating and b) diabetic guidelines. I dislike impromptu eating because I can't plan ahead and it is usually something fast food-y and I can't deal with it.

So I usually offer to go out to get whatever it is and then make a second stop at a sub place so I can at least get a sandwich made to my liking.

When we go on vacation with my in-laws this summer it will be interesting. Six branches of the family in one lodge -- all with different eating styles! I plan to cook ahead and bring my food made. I don't want to deal with a week of eating out.

Well, my eating during the weekend didnt' go so well. I tried so hard to make good food choices with what I was presented with. At every meal, I had such a challenge with the food joints my family continued to choose as I sat with my salad.

Then one night it really upset me when the family decided we'd go to Souper Salad, so we could all build big, yummy salad and they even have soup, pizza, baked potatoes and all sorts there for them to have.

In the end they decided not to go and instead my Dad went out and brought home three huge buckets of Fried Chicken, and pots of mashed potato and potato salad. And no white meat either.

He bought a bag of salad, "for me" supposedly which my mother then covered completely in salad dressing and added in alvacado and croutons, one of which I dont like and the other that I cant have. It was very frustrating to me as I peeled of the skin on my chicken thighs and picked at the meat with a selfish dark, cloud over my head.

I over indulged here and there and was left with a big appetite on Monday. I'm not doing perfectly, but I'm not doing badly either. Today, hoping to buckle down and get back on track with the losses AND get back into exercising.

I feel I've lost my motivation just a tiny bit. So maybe I'll go check out www.WWFamilyForum.com to get some inspiration. With you two being into WW you've probably seen those pages already, if you haven't take a peak. It's good encouragement.

Amy - Mmm, curry.

Cat - I love that pic of Julia crossing the bridge. Go you on 50 lbs gone - wahoo!

Monday:

• 1 mile walk, 20 min @ 3.2 mph

Didn't make time to walk in the morning so I did it at night. Then I didn't get more than that in because Julia got all crazy to nurse and by the time we were done it was 3 AM and I was too wiped to bang out another mile.

On the other hand, I decluttered the home office and plowed through 4 loads of laundry. Now to sift what I've washed into donate/keep piles and finisih off the bedroom and closets.

I noticed while walking that my shoes have lost the poofy "we are brand new sneakers!" feeling. Which means I need to get another pair to alternate with. I noticed while doing laundry that I need new underwear too. Argh. I just need to shop for clothes -- everything is wearing down!


We had a family playdate Sunday at a park and Julia (13 mos) held her own with the older toddlers(2-3 yrs) in the play structure although always the last tag-a-long because she doesn't know how to run well yet. She had a good time horsing around and it showed both in the pictures and in the sleep-a-thon Monday.

Haven't posted a picture of me in a long time. I can't find any from my baby shower right before she was born as a starting point but here we are a few days after Christmas when we went to eat brunch at one of the hotels. I'm 29, Julia is 11 mos. That's me 50 lbs down over the course of Julia's first year. Have another 50 to go this year before we start trying to get pregnant again.

I've drawn inspiration and motivation from many things, but never has it ever felt as pressing as it does now. Julia and her subsequent sibling are it.

Busy day -- errands, allergist, etc. I'm off!

Amy - Thanks for the kudos of BF-ing. It has been a long hard road for Liv and I. It has never been easy and she's been supplemented with one bottle from the start.

Recently, though, she seems to be losing interest. I think it has a lot to do with being active and always looking around and not staying latched long enough to stimulate let down. My let down has always taken over a minute and that's a while to keep a kid interstd.

Either way, our BF-ing is slowing down. My goal was to make it to 6 mo. and we have done so. My next goal is to 12 mo. I wouldn't mind continuing once a day or something til she's around 18 mo. We'll see if she makes it. I'm not too fussed. Oops, I did go on and on there, didn't I? And this isn't a baby blog!

Glad week 8 went well for you, Amy, and here's to making week 9 even better! Sounds like with all the new painting and renovations, your house is gonna be lookin' great!

Cat - P.E. was a requirement in my HS until 12th grade. And I loved it! Getting out of a desk for a little while per day! We don't invest nearly enough in our children. It bothers me that funds are being cut for music and arts in schools and that we don't have enough real world classes for school kids like money management!!

Well, we're here at my mom's for the weekend. I love my parents and will miss them when they move, but coming down here creates so many new challenges.

For instance, nursing. Can only do that up in my room as my father isn't comfortable with it and we've always got people stopping by and they all just walk in. I wouldn't care if they all caught sight of my boob, but my parents are shy about that sort of thing.

Then, there's all the food temptation. At our house, we've got Paul's goodies, but there are my alternatives if I want to snack.

Then my parents always want us all to eat out, and it's tough to stay on plan when everyone around you is biting into a huge burger or a hill of mashed potatoes. But it's no excuse for my lack of self control. I gave in to a few things yesterday and was a bit bummed when I saw I gained weight that evening. Although, it's obvious with food in you that hasn't yet gone out, you're gonna be a bit heavier, but just seeing the scale go up like that made me realize, the peice of this and that that I ate yesterday isn't worth weight gain and I'm looking forward to keeping myself in line today. :)

YAYEE Amy for feeling back to your pre-preg self! I have a few pics of myself at this weight, in underwear before I was pregnant. Now I'm back at pre-preg weight, I took another pic. My body may weigh the same, but it's definately different. I didn't get too down about it, though - I'm working and succeeding at self acceptance and love! Because what a great thing to pass onto Olivia, right? I think it's awesome that you're feelng fitter and smaller.

Hope you're all having a great weekend. I sure did go on, didn't I?

Nikki -- good job on the walking tapes! I'm glad it's working out.

Interesting how people react to extended nursing. My mother said the same thing.

"Oooh... she's getting teeth. You are going to have to stop nursing!"

"Why?"

"She'll bite you!"

"So?"

When Julia used to pee on me, it didn't mean I quit trying to teach her to potty or quit changing her diaper!

I wanted to nurse Julia to a year and then evaluate. I've decided to go another year and then evaluate again. Julai might choose to stop on her own, or I may have to lead the weaning ion order to get back on meds for TTC. I don't know.

It's going to be interesting to me to see if I notice any increase in "looks" for nursing a walking toddler though. Paul says he'd noticed some out and about when I had to nurse Julia when she was younger. I didn't notice it myself because I was too preoccupied with learning to nurse!

Amy -- I know. I don't like vending machines in schools either and the problem of serving better food in school has always been there. I also agree that removing external things won't change things.

I think the key is going to be teaching self-discipline to the children, and that has to come from home. That's for the children coping.

On the school front... parents need to speak up, protest, AND... be willing to foot the subsequent bills. Schools place these vending machines in the schools because they need the money. Either directly selling themselves or because manufacturers will give them a hefty chunk of change for placing the machines there. "Renting" the space basically.

The Dr Phil mom who wouldn't let the kids eat even though hungry... that's mean. If you really are hungry, eat! You don't have to be a "food nazi" against hunger. Hunger is a natural thing.

You have to be a food nazi during a kid's early years to encourage physical activity, preserve their natural instinct for hunger, stopping when full, and their natural palate. Shape their preferences. Then by the time they hit the school circuit you can hope they have a sound base and can choose more wisely for themselves as you stop choosing their food for them and stop suggesting their games for them.

Right now the only thing Julia chooses herself is to nurse by signing "Milk." The rest of her food I choose for her. With her play, she's into everything and we still have to redirect her to appropriate play. Doesn't mean she still doesn't try to shut down the server by pushing the shiny button! Ha! :)

I marvel that PE is not required here. I had PE as a requirement up to 9th grade, then it was elective after that.

I haven't read it yet, but you might also want to check out Raising Vegetarian Children : A Guide to Good Health and Family Harmony by Joanne Stepaniak. The parts that interest me are the parts about coping in school.

CPSI has the School Foods Toolkit to download too. It's interesting reading.

Great discussion, ladies! I'll have to see if I can think of a "topic" later this week. This is fun! :)

I enjoy the walking tapes! They are low impact, but they still do their job and I'm thoroughly fatigued by the end, wishing and hoping it would hurry up and end. However, they're not SO high impact that you're dreading doing them the next day. Therefore, I am able to do them everyday, no excuses.

They come in 1, 2 and 3 mile versions. I think they're worth a try, especially the 1 or 2 mile when you've only got 15-30 min. And when I've got extra energy, I just exaggerate the moves and/or use light weights.

Amy, glad the whole wheat pasta worked out for ya. Also, that work is going well. AND the jazzercise. Go you! Sounds like fun!

Cat's right. We're not mothering the world, however, I am guilty of worrying about where this nation is headed. It's odd. On one hand we seem fitness crazy, on the other hand, so large portion crazy, everyone trying to find the new weight loss trick... nearly everyone can be found on one side or the other.

Extremes of obesity and extremes of fitness. My first and foremost is my family as well. I admit right now I'm my main focus, my quality of life and how I handle my relationship with food. It affects everything I do, my marriage and how I live my life, the choices I make. But now more than ever, I do this to be an example for Olivia as like you both, I don't want to pass on the struggle.

I have a friend in particular who feeds her son horribly, because she thinks he likes it and it's cute, fun and this and that. I don't want to speak badly of her, let's just say, he's 7 months old and has eaten... a snickers bar. Sigh.

Anyway, it's her kid, and I've said my peice once upon a time and so I let things lie now. However, I do have issues when she harps me about "still" BFing Olivia. She thinks kids should stop being BF when they have teeth. Maybe it's to make her feel better about herself? I won't get into it now. Cat fight! haha. I just care about her son...

Cat, I loooove those little food mat thingies. The McDs play stuff is unbelievable, isn't it? Who wants their children to imagine working at McDs? Big future! Oh dear, that's just my opinion and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It is just playing, I suppose. I was just baffled when I first saw it, that's all. Advertising to toddlers.

Doing well. The scale goes down and I feel stronger to resist temptation each day. Yesterday, I went to Golden Corral with a friend. It was my first time in recent months in a buffett situation. I soooo wanted to pass by the desert area. I just loved that overprocessed sugary shite. I resisted, but just barely. I was so lucky that the exit did not require me to pass by the area. It was difficult, I so wanted to have desert. I had rationalized in my head since I didnt have bread or pasta or potatoes during dinner, I could afford it. I told myself, just keep walking. I felt relieved as I walked into the cool breeze in the parking lot.

30 lbs down!

Busy... cooking meals ahead (which is paying off, let me tell ya!) and with playgroup. Took Julia to story time at the library and met two other moms and their kids there and we hung out for a little while. Although one eye had to be on the kids, we at least got a little chit chat amongst ourselves in. Then I took Paul lunch from Chik-fil-a. Junk food I know, but I wasn't organized enough alst night to make him lunch AND get together for playgroup. At least Chick-fil-a has more side items to choose from. As it was, with the rain, I was running late.

When he gets up from nap, since I don't have to deal with making dinner, I want him to watch Julia so I get a walk in.

"Ok Ladies, now that we may know why we are fat, why is the rest of the country fat and what can we do about it? This question has been plaguing me lately."

Why? Lack of interest on the personal level, lack of nutrition education from home, lack of nutrition education from school, convinience food being convinient as far as time, but not as far as wholesomeness. The mentality that "more" is better. Lots of other things.

What can I do about it? On the one hand, I don't care about the rest of the country. I have to deal with myself and my family first. It's not my job to mommy the planet.

On the other hand, I try to shop wisely and have those shopping choices be a silent rebuke to the food makers. I don't want this much salt and/or sugar in my food, this much fat (esp. trans fat), artificial ingredients or colorings, preservatives, so much plastic in my packaging. I want more thorough nutrition labels, more organic foods, better quality. And I'm willing to pay for it. So make it widely available! And until then, I will shop at the places that do have it.

"Esp. children. How do we make sure are kids don't face the same struggles we face without become food nazis?"

Become something of a "food nazi." I don't see any other way around it. Any time you want a specific result, you have to put effort into it to get it. This effort will have to include defending against the things that will put you off track. And I feel a rant coming on... be forewarned! LOL.

You can't teach what you don't know yourself, so certainly I have to educate myself further about nutrition before I can give it to Julia.

I get aggressive about what I choose to buy and bring home. Then I can help shape her choices buy stocking the kitchen with wholesome foods. She has a choice, but it's limited in scope to what I buy.

I don't make her clean her plate. Children are born knowing when they are full. Preserve that and they'll keep it. Don't over serve children or over stuff them. It is unfair to ask children to "clean the plate" when they're not even the ones servings themselves! Most people don't even know what an appropriate portion is for their own selves, much less what is an appropriate serving size for a child.

Eat when hungry, not what time it is. Certainly pace your meals so you aren't going too long without food, but don't eat just because it is 11 o'clock.

Don't use food as rewards or encourage them to from emotional ties to food. Food is nice, but it is for fuel. Not emotional support. It is possible to celebrate without the focus being on what you eat. It is possible to cope with sadness or anger or boredom without eating your way through it. Don't urge them to eat one more bite just to please you. They need to learn to please themselves and stop when full. Not be encouraged to go beyond it.

Skip the kiddie foods -- the cereals with prizes and colored bits, the lunchbox fodder. Get them hooked on that and it is only something else they have to struggle to wean from later.

Eat sensibly yourself -- they will copycat.

Monitor the food toys. Makes me crazy that I have to search long and hard for just "basic" food toys and tools for a toddler but I can find Subway, McDonald's, KFC, and other junk food brand food toys everywhere I look:

I think food toys like these are better... Guidecraft "3D food" tray puzzles. Works as a puzzle AND as play food without insidious marketting:

And deal with the friends and realtives up front. Don't let it slide for sake of niceness.

The quickest way to piss me off is to give Julia food without my knowing, or challenge my food choices for her in front of her. She's 1 year old. We're still working our way down the allergenic foods methodically. She's barely got teeth and she's getting the hang of chewing.

So NO. I don't appreciate it when people go "But whhhhhyyy? Why can't she have ______?! It won't kill her! ___fill in other kid's name___ has it and they're fine!"

First, it's not up to them to feed my kid. And NOT having the proffered treat thing won't kill her EITHER!

Second, don't mess with my milk supply. She nurses first THEN solids when *I* say. You literally are taking the milk away from her if you are filling her up with junk, she gets full, then doesn't nurse as much to stimulate my supply, and then there's less milk for her later. What's the matter with you?

Third, I try new foods at home where I'm better prepared to deal with tummy aches and allergic reactions if she's going to have them. Not out and about on a whim. It's "cute" to you to see a baby eat and make a mess but it's NOT cute to be the one up late at night coping with gas, aches, pains, or rashes! Since I'm the one doing the night shift, I don't find it cute AT ALL.

Fourth, don't be teaching my kid to whine at me like that! Why put me on the spot? If I say "no" nicely the first time, don't insist. Because your bad manners from insisting puts me on the spot, and I'm forced to pick between protecting what and how my kid eats or bad manners back at you... hello, MomBitch!

Fifth... I don't care what OtherKid is eating or not. OtherKid is not my job.

So yeah... the kids and nutrition thing. Pet peeve. :)

* 2 mile "walking" aerobics tape
Walked around the mall with a friend as well today.

Had a lovely sandwich for lunch and thorougly enjoyed it, although I think it was a bit endulgent (sp?) and maybe from now on open faced sandwiches would be better. It was whole wheat, so that was good. I need to find a good rye, which is safer for this diet hoo-haa. Mmm, delicious taco salad for dinner. I could eat taco salads every day!

Need to work on staying away from the bathroom scale. I considered moving it into the garage as its too cold to go in there too often, so that I could do the once a week weigh-in thing.
Weight fluctuates so often during the day, it's obvious, predictable but discouraging when you see gains throughout the day.
Silly me. Paul wants me to leave it there, who knows why - he's gained maybe 5 lbs in the past 4 years, lol. But whatever, it's my battle.

• What: treadmill walk
• Speed: 3.2 mph
• Duration: 20 min
• Distance: bit over a mile

1:30 AM

Very late. Just banged out a minimal walk and I'm going to bed now after I flip the dryer.

G'nite!

10:40 AM

You know, I'm having a good time lately. Some minor things that bug me like my on going roof repair sage, lack of regular exercise, and slow progress on decluttering the back rooms.

On the flip side, doing very well with the church hunt, making new friends, eating better, my relationship with Paul, managing stress and maintaining the front rooms clutter-free.

I'm tightening up on the eating -- def. more vegan than lacto-ovo. Def. more whole foods. Def doing well with Julia's food. I could track my exchanges a little better so I'm going to focus on that this week.