How much green snot can come out of such a tiny nose? Constant drip, drip, drip.

Julia now understands the words "Here, wipe your nose" and will take the offered tissue or washcloth and wipe it.

Unfortunately Miss Helpful then tries to wipe my nose for me, and while I AM getting snorky myself, I don't much fancy her snot being smeared around on my face.

Thanks, baby, but no thanks!

[...]

Diapers. I don't know if you can find it, but Seventh Generation brand diapers run big. So perhaps a medium would do? Or a large?

I know that Huggies leg holes are bigger than Pampers by comparison too.

So maybe brand swithicng, but staying the 3's would help solve the problem til she's big enough for the 4's

Diaper sewing is fun but like with anything else... ti takes practice to turn out well. My first few were awful. LOL. :)

[...]

Nikki -- it just takes some work. That's all. Hang in there and keep trying! Learning to demystify the kitchen will go a long way toward your health/fitness goals. :)

I was in your shoes in 1998 when I was trying to learn to streamline our food/grocery/budget thing. Coming out of a dorm into a flat, responsible for me and Paul food... yargh. We used to eat massive quantities of the same thing over and over until it was gone because I didn't know how to scale down to cook for two. I cooked for 6-8! LOL.

I was annoyed that nobody offered a class for adult home economics and I kicked myself for not ever taking it at least ONCE as a freshman in high school. Paul told me at his high school "Life Skills" was mandatory for a semester. I was envious.

When I consult my mom for advice, she looks at me like I'm cracky. "What do you MEAN you don't know how to manage it? " She forgets she's got many decades up on me so HER system is even more refined, more automatic, more ingrained than mine.

But yeah... put in the time, it gets easier, it takes less time to pull of with practice and then watch the food savings add up.Woo! :)

[...]

I'm not so great. My chest is starting to hurt and I started to cough. Argh. :(

Julia is def. sick. Took her to doc this morning with Paul.

Paul is better -- his blood pressure is down another 8 pts! So working on stress management and trying to get him off his blood pressure pill.

Julia is emotionally happy-go-lucky as always and had no chest congestion this morning but over the course of the day developed a runny nose, a cough, and threw up. Ack. So I'm glad I took her in this morning to be seen.

Mom Paranoia paid off.

The downer is that she's giving it to me because my throat is starting to tickle. Argh. I may be scarce over the week.

We just got home from a quick trip to the grocery before it closed for a mix of frozen food and canned food. The food itself was a mix of organic and conventional. Then Paul wanted McD's for tonight's dinner because there's one in that plaza and he was hungry and couldn't wait to heat his frozen food. I did regular groceries yesterday, not realing that I was going to start getting sick myself.

Which put me in the position to look at these recent receipts side by side and figure out that...

If I cook all the meals, I can feed all three of us (plus the pets) 80% organic food for $14 a day.

If I am ill and have to rely on prepared foods, I can feed the three of us and the pets at 50% organic for $28 a day.

I refuse to do it, but pretending Paul and I did do fast food 3 meals each a day it would cost $48. And the pets still need food and so would the baby.

So when I hear the argument that eating healthy is costly... I don't buy it. Maybe people just don't know how to shop?

When I hear the argument that eating healthy takes more work, yeah, I can agree on that. More work going out to shop for the food, prepare it, etc.

Julia still with the sniffles. I debated skipping swim lesson this morning but in the end decided she was ok enough to go.

The first class was late getting started so our class was combined with them. LOTS of people -- I hope next class doesn't get combined again. Ugh. The domino effect where one baby starts crying and then they all start doing it is rough when it's 16 kids!

But Julia had a good time. Bobbing around, trying to blow bubbles in thr water, splsshing, checking out the other babies and this year's new thing... sitting on the wall while I count to three and then jumping into my arms. This is hysterically funny to her.

All the babies, including Julia, sobbed when the teacher took them. Julia signed "milk" at me every time he took her for her turn around the pool. Whenever she saw him coming for the kids next to her or her herself, she'd start trying to climb up my body to get away. She simply doesn't remember him from last year and having been through this once already I know after a few more classes all the kids will chill out.

These first few classes though... murder on the ears.

She tolerated going under water but it's been too long since last year so I've forgotten the pace. The teacher told me my position was fine but to slow it down a bit to make it easier on Julia. Oops. I'll work on it... I can only remember but so much from last year's classes.

Couldn't find my blue Speedo so had to wear the purple one. Fit fine. Smaller than the blue one. Woo.

Hung out afterwards for lunch with the other moms. One mom I talked to actually has run the Disney marathon before so we talked about that. Another mom speaks Spanish like I do, and one was actually the class of '89 to my '93! Imagine! Meeting a person from my high school in Panama. Small world. So weird.

Everyone seems friendly but it is different than my AP playgroup for sure. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

Took a few days off fitness unexpectedly with all the goings on for today. We're all in varying degrees of sick still, so I didn't feel like doing all this party stuff AND trying to do walks. Paul and Julia are still napping. I'm awake, but I could nap some more myself!

Friday I went out for party groceries and cleaned most of the house. Saturday I slept a lot while Julia had a nurse-athon. That evening we went to meet our church sponsors at their home since they'd invited us to dinner. Seem like a nice young couple and we do have some thing in common so three hours flew by. When we got home I got Julia settled and then spent two hours making party food while Paul further tidied up.

This morning it was sooo hard to get up early. Just not enough sleep! But we made it to church and got through the new member ceremony and service and then had the family over for lunch. I got a lot of compliments on my orange stripe shirt -- that the color is grea ton me. Not just from relatives but other people. So this shirt has gotten me 6 or 7 compliments aleady. Never had that happen before!

We put Julia in the nursery (where my parents followed us and then wanted to linger) and then met the other relatives, guided them to where they needed to be, and then joined out new member group. The ceremony itself was brief, but very nice. Mainly going up to shake hands with people and being formally introduced to the congregation.

Apart from new member ceremony, today's topic was in light of Earth Day yesterday -- ecospirituality and the green sanctuary. Very interesting to me.

Collected the kid (with mom and dad in tow) then rounded up at our house for lunch.

Really it all went better than I thought save for a few things that I don't want to get into.
[...]

The June 2005 (don't ask me why it is out at the grocery already) issue of Oxygen is dedicated to fit moms. I don't subscribe to anythign any more in an effort to control my clutter but a skim at the store looked good so I picke dup the single issue.

Can't read it yet because every time I try Julia spies the mother and baby on the cover and starts runnign over yelling "Baaay-beeee! Baaaay-beee!" and tries to grab it.

But if she cooperates I'll do the toddler workout this week.

Amy, I agree. The mypyramid.gov site is strangely laid out to me too. When all is said and done, it's basically the diabetic food intake patterns, only done as a total for the day instead of as a pattern by meal.

But they do have one 2000 calorie sample menu.

Looks similar to the 2600 diabetic one I was given while pregnant, huh? Only without the meal pattern on the side so you can just portion out what you want so long as it matches the pattern.

Why mypyramid.gov doesn't just give people the standard diabetic/dietetic meal patterns is beyond me.

Then again... I disagree with the animal food requirements on there. If people want to eat these foods that is fine. But don't make it be a health REQUIREMENT when it really isn't one. I prefer PCRM's suggested groups.

• Planned: upper weights
• Actual: Dvd cardio+ weights (30 min)

God, I hate DVDs.

Can't be helped today because I had a lot of phone yakketty yak this morning making different arrangements, sprinkler, and cleaning house for party this weekend. I have a Mom's Night Out thing tonight and I have to give a mom a lift.

So I fit in a quick Karen Voight during one of Julia's naps, muddled through it as best I could, and then moved on. Apart from some instructors being annoying, I dislike muddling along til I know the routine. I don't do this one enough to know the thing by heart so EVERY time I do it I muddle, trying to pay attentionto changes and steps.

Cracked myself up remembering me and Holly bashing into each other the first few times at water aerobics class or at her house. Miss seeing her more. Sigh.

Time to get myself ready now. Ciao!

[...]

Back. 3+ hrs out with the other moms. There were 8 of us for dinner and then 4 lingered for coffee. Lovely time, lovely convo, lovely food, lovely to be baby free, and lovely to come back to my kid.

Soooo what I needed. Look forward to it next month too!

• Plan: 1.5 miles @ the mall
• Actual: 1.5 miles @ 3.2 mph for 28 min
  

It's a good thing I like my sprinkler guy. Because sometimes he just annoys me. Like not showing up yesterday when he said he was coming and then showing up today with no warning when I was planning on doing my walk at the mall with the kid and getting Paul some dress shirts and a tie.

I noticed he now wears a logo shirt and his truck has a magnetic logo sign on it. So I'm happy for him that his small sprinkler/landscaping business is coming along. It's hard to be a small business owner doing everything oneself.

He's doing decent work and seems concientious. He just needs to hire a secretary or get better about making/keeping appointments!

Kid is still sleeping so I'm off to try to bang that 1.5 miles out really quick.

[...]

Walk done. Easy, but I need to keep up with warm ups and cool downs -- bad habit of skipping them sometimes.

Here's the short-short version for public consumption (Amy, if you like, drop me an email and I can go into it a bit further).

My husband joined the Army in July of last year. I moved to Tennessee in a whirlwind trip in February, and am now working on securing a new job, putting out roots, making friends etc.

The treadmill was sort of a necessity because the people on my road don't like to secure their dogs. Now it's no longer a problem, hee.

And I got on the scale this morning, and am down 2.2 lbs my first week back in training.

I'm baaaaaaaaack.

Having bought a treadmill from our neighbors across the way on Friday, I am back in training. It's going slowly, but it feels very good anyhow. I missed this part of my life a lot. (And so did my blood pressure and cholesterol, too. But that's another story.)

I haven't set a training schedule yet; right now I'm trying to loosen up my muscles and get back in the habit of exercising. Friday, Saturday and today I did one mile, with times of 21:58, 21:25 and 21:45 respectively.

Squee!

Cat - Wow, you look GREAT! I love the dress, everything looks really super. You did a great job of finding clothes that disguise the pooch. Where did you get everything? When you shop, do you mainly hit the department stores of the specialty stores?

Thanks! I'm happy with the wardrobe updates. :)

When I shop, I go EVERYWHERE. Which is why shopping is hard work, spread out over many days. This time it was 2 malls and 2 days. 1 Macy's, 2 Lane Bryants. About 30 things tried on.

I'm after a good fit. I don't care about brand or price (within reason).

This year I actually set myself a quarterly budget for clothing. ($1000 for the year total). Which serves two purposes -- 1) MAKES me go, 2) keeps my spending in check. So when I say I don't care about the price when I go out -- I don't, so long as I stick to my $250 for the quarter. That can mean one super spendy thing, or several less spendy things or a LOT of cheap things.

This quarter I spent about $300, and I made up the extra $50 from my personal checking account. (Paul and I have separate "allowance" accounts from the house one.) I can go out again in June to spend my next quarter and see how the selections have changed.

This time my main focus was underwear, and regular clothes, but lucked into some party wear. In June, I will probably focus on shoes and skirts and just keep my eyes open for anything else and hit Ross stores and the factory outlet malls to see what out there.

I've set a budget for Paul (same as mine) and the baby ($300 a year from us... relatives inundate her with clothing!) as well.

Paul is trying to get me to let him spend his budget on doodads rather than clothing. What he NEEDS is clothes. He has to carry an impression at work whether he likes it or not. What he WANTS is more musical toys.

Oy.

So while I'm done for me this time, I still have to go out again for him.

When we did DC with the musuems and monuments and things I was totally wiped out and I was both younger and fitter at 15 than I am now at 29. So Amy, I can see why you guys would be pooped out after today's outing too! :)

Alright... not the best pix, no hair, no make-up. It's very dark here at 2 AM. We were all so tired from the mall we crashed out and just got up not to long ago to catch up on dinner and go back to sleep!

Here's one of the button down woven shirts. The other is solid aqua but this one is different shades of orange stripes. The new boot cut jeans are dark blue, not black, and I'm wearing heeled Mary Janes in all the pix. I'm probably wearing this to a "Mom's Night Out" dinner later this week.

Julia models her white teddy bear T-shirt and pink flower panties with red monkey shoes. She insisted on being in the pictures.

Julia wants to show me her belly button.

Every year I have one hideously ugly item of clothing. So ugly it fascinates me. Paul doesn't understand this fetish and really neither do I but I indulge it anyway. This time though, even HE is fascinated by this shirt. He thinks his mom must have had it in the 70's. I disagree because I think MY mom had it.

So here's the new scary silky shirt with the dress pants (not new). Julia is pointing out the mirror on the wall.

She brings me the flashlight so I can make it fly around the floor for her to step on.

Here's the dress. I can get it on, but really it will take another 10 or 15 lb drop to comfortably wear it how I want to wear it. I like dresses loose and flowy. But too good a buy at 50% off and almost fitting not to get it now. I hate having a wedding or soemthing pop and then struggling at the last minute to find a dress to wear! Now that I have it on again I can't tell if the hem really is slighty assymetrical or if I was crazy in the dressing room. But anyway, Nordstrom online has the black version. I like the turquoise better and I found it at Macy's.

Julia is stuffing puffed rice down my cleavage and I am picking it back out. Guess she decided since the Breastaurant is already there, the deep "V" neck makes a good snack tray.

Cereal with milk. What else?

Things are way better in the clothing department than they were a very pregnant 53 lbs ago. Jeez, plus-size is bad enough with it being PREGNANT plus-size. Try shopping for that!

And it has gotten easier in the pants and bust than a new nursing mom 30 lbs ago -- the engorgement and then the C-section numbness/stomach droop were hard to fit and my energy wasn't up to mega-shopping/trying on. Shopping is WORK. Plus, you dont want to be leaking milk all over things you don't plan to buy.

So returning to the land of buttons, zippers and fitted, non-stretchy things is interesting to me. Retiring Lycra to gym wear only is nice.

My two biggest problems now are shoes and pants. My feet seem permanently one size bigger and trying to find size 11 heels that don't look like they belong on Paul is a challenge.

I've had to readjust my thinking on clothing fit from before because it just isn't the same shape. None of me is. Over my life I've gone from a teen pear shape to plus-size hourglass pre-pregnancy to a total plus-size pregnant circle, I seem to be doing an plus-size inverted triangle thing lately as I move along post-partum wieght loss and who knows how I'm going to end up?

So bizarre.
The numbess is no longer my whole stomach, but a small patch near the incision. I've also got another 40-50 lbs to go and I'm an apple shape and carry the bulk of it in my middle. So I have to be pretty picky about my pants.

There's no hiding the pot belly but there's no need to dress it in ill-fitting clothing either.

I'm stuck with short mom hair for a while still. When it gets long Julia wants to play with it. It used to be pulling but now she wants to brush it and being bopped in the head with a ladybug hairbrush is easier to take with short hair than letting her tangle it up in long!

I wanted to get highlights but I just can't figure when I'd have the time to maintain it. Getting in every 6-8 weeks for a trim is hassle enough!

That's funny because I've been going through the same thing re: belly looking.

I wondered if I was pregnant, If my boobs shrank so it makes my stomach seem bigger when I look down, if I could have tapeworm, is PCOS was making my uterus or ovaries strange -- all kinds of bizarre thoughts!

I just had a PAP done which came back normal and basically I seem fine visually to my doc. I see my endoc in a bit more so I'll be having someone else look at me soon.

I just took measures for this month and while my boobs haven't shrunk any to make my waist seem bigger, my butt's lost an inch. So I think it is from that -- another of part of me has changed making that area seem larger by comparison.

So maybe you could think about taking measures as well as scale stuff at your WW check ins? Then you have another means of comparison throughout your journey.

Nikki -- keep at it! Dont worry about the scale -- you are kicking butt at the gym!

Amy -- WTG on the house stuff. I know that DIY is a workout in of itself!

Got my bras. Also tried on something like 16-20 items of clothing.

Got 1 silky print top to go with my black dress pants. It's vaguely 70's ish in hot pink, white, and black blobby things. Flattering fit, easy to pull up to nurse in. It actually highlights my waist! So if we get invited to any weddings or similar I won't run into a panic over what to be wearing because I have nothing suitable. NONE of my dresses from before fit by postpartum body. Yikes!

Found this year's Xmas party dress though. I can put it on, but very snug since it's once size smaller than my curent. Another 10 lbs ought to do it. I'm confident about being in it between here and there and if I'm smaller than that still I'll have it taken in. That fantastic a dress!

It's A-line, empire waist, sleeveless but with WIDE staps, deep v neck and v back, aqua with black outline flowers on it. Slightly asymmetrical hemline but not SO severe it annoys me when I walk. Classic styling is super flattering for me and when dresses that flatter a plus size body are so hard to come by... and harder to find in colros OTHER than balck or navy... I snatch them up when I find them. Got it for $50 instead of $115 too, so that's another plus.

So very good day shopping at the mall.

Paul and Julia hung out in the indoor playground rather than following me around so it worked out for them too.

Nikki, Amy, you both inspire ME. :)

It makes it a lot easier to train/eat healthy/ lose weight/ be fit when you have company. Checking in on the blog each day helps me out a lot.

BTW, I heard from Adrith, who is settling down in her new home. She's gotten a treadmill and plans to start working out again as things are calming down. I reminded her the blog was still up and going so perhaps one day soon we'll get a surprise entry from her too. The more the merrier!

[...]

Now some things I normally don't write about a whole lot: Weight loss, poo, lactation, and periods.

I'll pick them off one at a time and report.

1) Weight loss. Generally I view this as a pleasant side effect of my pursuit of fitness. It happens when it does, how it does and I avoid getting emotionally tied up in it. However, it is a side benefit I wish to reap before my next pregnancy so while I'm casual about how it exactly comes off, I still want it to come off!

I'm 4 weeks into my personal challenge of keeping a food log and while I confess to not being totally accurate about entries, I've tracked enough to enjoy a 7 lb drop in that time. I'm shooting for a full 16 weeks logged... so when I hit the next 4, I'll report back. I expect a slow down in rate of loss. The first weeks are always seem faster.

2) Poo. Julia's doing quite well potty training and we're getting most of her poo in the potty or toilet. So I see poo up close and personal. Daily. I check her out when she's making it for signs of straining, discomfort, or problems. I check the poo visually for color, consistancy, undigested food bits, or unexplained blood.

It occurs to me that this shouldn't be a "baby only" thing. Everyone ought to take a look at their poo and think about it some rather than reach backhanded to flush it away before standing back up.

So my poo report? Matches Julia's poo. Soft, bulky, light brown in color, easy to pass, low odor, no weirdness about it like blood or undigested food, little or nothing to wipe with TP, once daily, sometimes twice. We're both doing well.

Did notice that since I've been sticking to vegan eating, both she and I had a period of farting for a bit. We've settled down. Extra fiber, while overall good, sometimes does that to you. For those wondering, I've been averaging 35 g of fiber a day in the last 4 weeks. A bit of a jump from my 25 g from before.

BTW, Julia cracks herself up and claps and bounces when she let's one rip. I try to be more discreet than that when I have to fart.

Baby Poo:

• http://www.drjaygordon.com/pediatricks/poop.htm

Adults:

• Short version decent article, (ignore ad): http://www.fruit-eze.com/education/constipation/WhatIsANormalStool.htm
• Long verison: http://www.afraidtoask.com/bowel/index.html

3) Lactation. Julia is 15 mos. I am continuing to nurse her. I'm happy to report that my early days of stuffing diapers into my sports bras when walking on the treadmill and long past. I don't bother with nursing pads any more either.

But I'm still nursing and let me remind people -- underwear is good for 6 mos only.

On the panty front, you can keep on wearing them til they're falling to bits if you want. Doesn't really matter there. Panties are for coverage, not support, though sometime they work to hold pads and things for periods. Slips can go for years and years. Pantyhose until they snag or run, but otherwise quite a while too.

Bra though. They are underthings that WORK daily.

If you aren't nursing that means you can be a bit lax about your bras and kind of wait for that next sale and so on. Doesn't have to be 6 mos on the dot.

If you ARE nursing... get thee to a mall before your bra's elasticity and support poops out.

I SHOULD have gone out at 12 mos of age (Julia, not me) to restock. But noooo... now this morning I find myself in the predicament of having NOT ONE BRA that is supportive enough when I'm full of milk EXCEPT my Enell bra.

While the Enell has excellent boob-holding-in properties for a workout, but it is not meant to be a regular use bra. We're talking major compression bra. NOT good for extended daily wear as a lactating mother unless you love clogged ducts.

Free flobbling it is not an option when you wear a 46C. Esp. not a NURSING 46C.

I don't mind my pregnancy stretch marks being on my person, but I'm not looking for some extra ones in my armpits or my breasts sagging to my belly button because "The Girls" are out there alone, unharnesed, and at the mercy of the force of gravity.

The milk-heavy pendulous action when I walk is just not for me.

If I'm at the peak of my nursing cycle and full of milk and we're going to have sex? Bra stays on, sports bra for preference!

So the mall today and this time I'm going to Sharpie the date on all my bra tags so I keep up with when to replace them better.

There. You've been advised.

4) Periods. I've made the switch to cloth pads and the comfort level is stupendous. Heavenly!

And a mostly organic, mostly whole foods, mostly vegan diet helping me quite a lot with managing my PCOS and restoring regular menses.

So while in past races I haven't had to consider, much less deal with the problem of having a period during race weekend, the fact that I'm becoming regular makes me think ahead.

Overall, being regular is a good thing. We want to start TTC a few weeks after the race.

But when you are a back-of-the-pack walker, and expect to be on the course for 3+ hrs, and typically use cloth for periods and wash to re-use next time...

It poses a problem. I'm still not so regular I can tell from here in April if I will be having a period in January on race weekend.

I could take the minipill again and arrange to "skip" that cycle... but what about TTC shortly after?

I could choose a disposable product and not deal with carrying cloth to wash later but hello... I've been on the course.

The only chance at a "real" bathroom was at the entrance of Epcot and now this year the course map is different so who knows if there's a handy bathroom in a theme park on the course now.

The rest is Porta-A-Potty City and quite frankly, I'd rather take a whiz on the side of the road than stop to stand in line after sitting in stranger pee that one time I did use a porta-potty.

So what do you do with your used feminine hygiene product if it IS a dispsoable? Carry it with you? In that case, may as well do cloth and avoid the chafe! Toss it on the side as people do with water cups, sweatshirts, gel packs, etc? No way in hell. I can cope with a pee in the bushes but not a poo and def. not a used pad.

So there's the last on my list of things that people don't often talk about.

Off to try to find an answer and then when the kid wakes up... go bra shopping!

• Planned: 15-20 min walk
• Actual: 30 min EASY grass pulling

Other than a sniffle, Julia is doing great. I'm doing mostly good other than the stupid cough! I cough SO violently I give myself a headache. Ugh. But doc said plain Robitussin is fine so it's helping.

Looked rainy today so yard play only for 30 minutes for the kid. She protested quite loudly when I took her back inside. I got a little more grass out of the tree ring planting area. Took it really slow and easy.

Cleaned most of the front of the house, going to hit the back half tomorrow. Got some work done for Stork Club (My attachment parenting playgroup thing to help new moms) and trying to get together for starting a new chapter of my other playgroup (geography based playgroup rather than parenting style).

So sick or not... very busy!

Waiting for doc to call back re: what I can take that is over the counter for a cough that ok while nursing. My mild cold has now escalated into chest congestions and a hacking cough.

Ugh.

Then I have to pack up the kid and go fetch it from thepharmacy. More ugh.

• Planned: Weights
• Actual: 60 min pulling grass and digging
  

I'm sore all over so I don't want to do weights for formal exercise now.

I started laying out a new tree ring planting bed with a 25 ft garden hose and began clearing the grass. LOTS of grass. Ugh.

(Paul asked me if I was enjoying the yardwork since he noticed I've been flinging myself into it since last week. I said yes, because it stays done for a while, unlike work inside the house which gets undone in a matter of hours. Very annoying.)

Got sick and tired of having to struggle with gnarly tree roots when I mow.

I love the tree. It's huge, old, shady, camphor (insect repellent) and great! But it has roots that come up and spread out and maneuvering the lawn mower around them or over them to get the grass is a drag. Decided to just pull up all the grass to the edges of the exposed stuff and plant small things in that area.

Picked up weed cloth and then edging so I can get that down before I go back to get mulch and plants. I know if I don't get to do it I can have the playgroup moms who are coming to my house in two weeks for working playdate can help me.I just want the supplies on hand. Probably need more edging though. May have to get some more this week or early next.

Another 2 big trash bags full of yard waste. So that's 8 bags since Friday. More to go. Yargh.

Have to figure where the nearest pool supply is so I can get diatomaceous earth to use for organic/green insect control.

I keep asking myself why I got a Honda Accord instead of a truck. Other than the fact that trucks aren't a good for car seats. Sigh.

How has your view of overweight people changed from your (style conscience?) teenage years till now?

Not a whole lot. In my youth I assumed overweight people were overweight for whatever reason and it wasn't my business to get into their business.

How I feel/felt about it for myself? I've crossed my comfort line twice.

The first time when I was still undiagnosed and could not understand why I gained the way I did. The second time I was pregnant, so I had a good reason for crossing a line again I swore I'd never cross again, but it still sucked and screw it. With number two I'm not going to get suckered into going more conservative like I did the last time. I'm staying on the vegan path and I'm going to have to find docs who will support me in that choice. The "conservative" pregnancy diet leads to an uncomfortable pregnancy, people. And it isn't just me who noticed this, but I've had playgroup moms verify this was their experience as well.

But the comfort line? I know exactly where it is. It's where I become so big my circulation becoms poor, arms and legs and feet and hands fall asleep and wake me up with tingling when I'm trying to sleep, my joints hurt, mobility is impaired, your thighs chafe from rubbing together, sweat collects in crevices on your body and chafes, putting on pantyhose is an exercise in the ridiculous, a flight of stairs leaves you winded, sex is not comfortable, people treat you differently...

It's all so undignified.

None for me, thanks. The more distance between me and that line the better for me.

How has your view of your body changed in that time frame?

In my teens, I tended to live in my head and ignore the needs of my body as long as possible. Skip meals, stay up too late, etc. Took it for granted my body would work fine whenever it was I wanted it to.

With the rude awakening of my thyroid/PCOS issues in college, I was forced to try to live more in unison. Mind and body together, searching for harmony between the two while at the same time seeking a proper dx.

The dx was long in coming, but I'm lucky. I only had to wait 5 years. Some PCOS patients waited almost a lifetime before more info about this condition was known and circulated not just with specialists but GPs so they could spot it. Imagine living all that time seeking help and treatment and being told it was all in your head and then going home to wonder if you really were crazy. Humph.

But for those 5 years, with no health insurance and little recourse, I had to make an effort where I could. And that's how it began for me in 1998. Trying to eat better, exercise more, make some kind of an effort to support my health within my capabilities at the time, until I had an answer and could seek fuller treatment.

The short answer? I learned to treat my body with a little more respect and pay more attention to it's care.

It's so easy for girls to go in both directions. Be pushed to be ornamental and then think of nothing BUT their physical selves or the other direction. Be pushed to reject "vanity" and "foolishness" and retreat into their heads and thing nothing OF their physical selves.

I hope I do a better job with my kid and teach her to care for both her body and her head.

• Planned: 15-20 min walk
• Actual: 60 min yardwork (raking, dragging branches around, weeding)

Pooped. Got my walk covered with all the yard work -- was walking back and forth quite a lot. I stink, I'm grubby and I'm off to wash and nurse the kid now.

Nikki -- whew, a blizzard! Glad you are back ok!

Amy -- WTG on the doors!

Things here are a bit blah -- we're all sick. Think we caught something from church. Julia's the bst off. I don't even think she realizes she has a runny nose. Paul and I are worse off -- headaches and noses and coughing and just ugh.

But anyway... some thoughts on recent topics...

On other weight-loss blogs. I'm not really keen on them. They bore me. I prefer fitness blogs that may or may not have weight loss as a side benefit. Because sooner or later, the weight loss has to stop. The fitness can keep on going indefinitely.

Plus there's the unrealistic goal setting (Lose X by Y date) and the emotional haranguing (I'm a failure for not sticking to my diet! Argh!). Neither of these things is something I find enjoyable to read or inspiring in my own journey.

Never mind that weight loss is not a measurable goal in terms of time. If you lose, you lose when your body is ready to do so. It follows it's own timetable of healing.

And that is what I think recovering from obesity is. Healing.

People don't ever say "I'm going to get over this cold in 24 hours!" I find it odd that people say things like "I'm going to lose 10 lbs in 24 days!" or similar.

People seem more willing to let a cold take however long it takes to heal over and make an effort to support the healing process with bed rest, medicine, fluids, etc.

They're not as willing to let their weight loss journey take however long it needs to go and support it with regular exercise, sensible food choices, and talk the encourages rather than erodes self-esteem.

Rarer do I see people setting measurable goals like minutes or miles walked... things that ARE under voluntary control.

Weight loss is not immediately voluntary. You can certainly make efforts to encourage it to happen, but it's not a direct result like deciding to walk.

You decide to walk, you walk, and there it is. Walking! Direct cause and effect. You don't have to wait to see results. They are instantly available any time you care to put one foot in front of the other.

[...]

I think hunger is the best sauce. And the times we've done the fast food thing, it's because we've not planned well and let it go too long and then the urge to eat anything hits. Quickly. And then it tastes good just because we're famished, it's hot, it is immediate, it's filling. For me, esp. crazy -- I get the shakes, headaches the the other typical side effects of a low blood sugar episode.

From past experience I know that fast food actaully tastes horrid when the sauce of hunger is absent. Coats the inside of my mouth with a thin layer of grease that is just awful. And I'm better off planning ahead to NOT let myself get into a low blood sugar episode before starting to think abotu seeking nourishment.

There are no cozy memories for me of fast food eateries representing family fun -- my parents were not big on fast food and any time we had it it was the "make do" option when nothing else was available. Like when stuck in between flights at airports and not having time to seek alternatives.

Paul comes from a different background. For him it DOES represent fun, fast, convinient, no need to plan ahead, type eating.

But even he knows that while the Dollar Menu is cheap, it has hidden costs to health that long run are too expensive to ante up. 30 years old with high blood pressure. Hello too much sodium, too much fat, and the start of the road to heart disease.

Let's hope he's ready to kick the habit.

• Planned: Weights
• Actual: baby swim, 90 min mowing/weedeating yard

Not sure if I'm going ot make it to weights tonight or if I'll swap the walk for tomorow with weights today. Or just skip it. Very busy morning and I'm not sure how sore I'll be later form the yard stuff.

Took Julia to the pool to register for swim lessons and meet some new playgroup people. My voice still isn't back, so I couldn't chat a whole lot.

Julia was great! I was impressed with how much she remembers from last summer. She was in the water running, kicking, splashing,. laughing, trying to swim off on her belly and floating around on her back lounging. So long as I was nearby she was content. She cried when I took her out though and tried to jump back in even though I'd dried her off and dressed her in street clothes. She loooves water play!

The new large I-play swim diapers seem ok. These are different than last year's because they are smooth inside rather than terry. Her Tuga "scuba suit" still fits so we won't need another til late in the summer or maybe even next year over.

I got her nursed and napping and then I hit the yard to mow and weed-eat the fence edges.

Bloody hot out there but I wanted to take the chance while she was sleeping and get the grubby stuff done without her trying to help or getting in the way. especially the weedeating part because that kicks up dirt clumps, plant bits, and sometimes rocks.

Not sure what I want to do when she wakes up. Part of me wants to carry on with the weeding and the other part of me wants to hit Lowe's to buy flowers to plant.

Suppose it will depend on Julia's mood upon waking and if she eats well or not. If she doesn't eat well or gets crabby I'm staying in. If she's holding up, we'll go out once more today and get my plants, mulc, lumber, and other doodads.

I have to price chainsaws while I'm at it, and def get safety goggles before I use it. Coudl use them with the weedeater too -- keep junk of my glasses. I honestly don't see why Paul hasn't bought any since he wears glasses too. And he even weedeats barefoot. Ugh. Disgusting!

• Planned: Rest Day
• Actual: 2 hrs of yard stuff

Had a lovely weekend.

Church this morning. Julia stayed in nursery now that she's more comfortable with her nursery teacher and we actually got to listen to the whole sermon.

Lunch at Sweet Tomatoes, home for naps, then in the evening Paul got Julia's swing hung in the tree. While he was up there he managed to use the rake to pull/push the last of the hurricane debris. Over the months the rains have pushed them down low enough on the tree so he could reach them. Before they were too high up. Now I have to get a chainsaw to hack them up all to put on the curb.

We're entertianing in the yard in 2 weeks so I'm anxious to get it in presentable condition.

Julia messed around in her wading pool and with her outside toys but loved the new swing so I think that alone made it worth Paul's anxieties while he was up in the tree. He's got a fear of heights. Still, better him than me because I'm anxious about heights AND I have bad balance!

We let her run about naked for a bit and she seemed to enjoy that. She tried to help us with the weeding but after a while she ran off and got herself stuck in her climbing thing because I put it together wrong. Paul took it apart and fixed it. I had one of the pieces on backwards. Oops.

Had my 2nd weigh-in this morning and had a decent loss, so I'm pleased. Actually, I would have happily taken a maintain since I wasn't the best this week, however, it's the little changes that make the big differences. Saying no here, having a little less here, having a healthy snack here to take the edge off of dinner. Very pleased.

That said, I haven't made any attempt at formal exercise except for one time last week. I have been busy around the house, but it's no excuse. It's a goal for me this week. I'm going to set it low at twice a week, that way I'm more likely to hit my goal. We'll see how it feels, although I think 3 times a week is more sensible and in all honesty every day is best. Ahh well... I'm a sheep. Baaaaa...

The hard part is being away from home this weekend. We're staying with my folks this weekend, and having a BBQ this evening to celebrate Paul's birthday a bit late. I hope I can stay away from the potato salad altogether, or else I think a taste of it might send me in a spoonful here and there all evening. LOL.

Have a great weekend, chickas.

• Planned: 15 min easy walk
• Actual: 1 mile stroller walk en famille

Easy stroller walk to the park. About a mile, and I took it slow. Ankle mostly ok, but sore when I got back.

Julia had a good time playing at the playground and Paul drove his remote control tank about in the grass. It was nice.

• Planned: weights
• Actual: 1 hr yard work

My ankle is so-so.

I set out Julia's wading pool with some cups and things in it, dressed her in swim attire and let her have at it while I did some raking. I got about 3/4 bag full before my ankle started to complain about my standing on it so long.

Then I broke out the gloves and stool and sat down to weed the flower beds. Julia came along to watch and started "helping" by grabbing whatever off the ground -- leaves, twigs, grass -- to put in the bag with me.

It was very relaxing way to spend the afternoon... tidying the yard and listening to her chatter.

An ice pack later and I'm still tender, but on the mend.

I think I'll be skipping my walk in favor of yoga or an ab workout though. I don't want to do nothing, but neither do I want to do anything weight bearing on that ankle til it's well.

My knee where I scraped is ok -- no abrasions. My jeans where thick enough to prevent that although it did smart for a while.

Just got back form visiting my parents with the baby. So lunch time now...

Took a fall today at church when dropping Julia off in nursery so we could attend class. Sprained my ankle and it hurts. :(

• Planned: easy 15 min walk
• Actual: 15 min @ 3.2 mph
  

This morning the utilties people came out to install my sprinkler meter so we don't get charged sewage for that water. Apart from the racket, I was annoyed because it is ANOTHER group of people who come without giving me a courtesy call to let me know what's up and disrupt my whole day. So Julia missed her playdate this morning because I had to hang about watching this guy work.

Gah!

I cancelled my whole day. Didn't do any paperwork, or do crazy phone calls to the insurance company or anything. I let hte kid sleep in, I slept in, then we did groceries and I got my hair cut. We played abit when we got home and took naps.

I'm about to go make dinner and then pass the kid to Paul so I can get my walk done. Do I want to make dinner? NO. I want to have it magically appear. But that's not happening and eating cereal for dinner is not acceptable so I have to go and fix some proper food.

I've decided to schedule a massage for myself sometime in the next two weeks. I feel tense all over and it's not doing me any good at all.

Cat - No wonder you're tense with all the roof hubbub! I can't believe you're still wrestling with this whole ordeal. I'm so sorry to hear that! That's great that you've got such self control, especially when it comes to eating on the run. And also great that you "felt" oily after some fries.

Usually, during a "bad" times of year, fast food doesn't phase me. But after I've been eating healthily for a while, I can "feel" greasy, non-nutritious food. So great to hear that you've got some help with yardwork. Very awesome!

Amy - Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am my biggest obstacle, and with the way I've been binging each day, I've got a looong way to go. But ho hey, moving forward! That's very cool about your extra walk! Wonderful!

I saw "Supersize Me" a few months ago. Very cool thing for that guy to do, do bring forward such an issue. I do believe that part when he said he started to need and crave the food, that it actually changed him emotionally. That's what's happening.

It didn't bother me so much as we as adults can choose what we eat and McDs is only offering us their products. BUT, like you, it did upset me with how much they advertise towards young people. They're newest campaigns have their golden arches flashing up on "health" commercials as well. They know exactly what they're doing. Guh!

The dollar menu? It's a shame! On one hand, for some people it's awesome to get fed for a ridiculously low price, on the other hand, it's becoming the easy thing. It's cheaper to feed a family shite food. Well, I cant only change our own family and I hope I can make good decisions and teach Olivia what's good for her.

Its like those commercials and baby ads that say by the age of 15 months, the most popular vegetable is a french fry! Gosh!

Been having some rough times with Olivia. She has cut down from 3 naps a day, to 2. That's okay with me, but it seems she's always crying herself to sleep. She used to be so good at going down for a nap, now, it's so rough. But it's a phase I'm sure.

I'm just glad she's well and I hope she stays well. It makes me nervous going back to the gym with her. I don't want her to get sick again. I could wait until the evenings, but it's so busy then and I've already paid for a year's worth of child care. Paul will feel like it's a waste and then I have no time with him. Sigh... I'll figure something out. I know that 1:30 to 3:30 is the least busy time in the daycare. Maybe I'll even bring lysol wipes to wipe down the equipment I know she uses. But her favorite daycare worker carries her a lot, and 50 other kids a day, who knows. Sorry, this isn't a baby diary.

Ohh, something that will certainly have me moving more... Liv is crawling! Very cool and exciting!

• Planned: weights
• Actual: Yoga

Felt tense today so I swapped weights out for a yoga workout. I feel a little looser but still tense. This whole roof thing has me soooo annoyed! Roofer came out for final payment and they've gone way over the estimate. Which mean we have no money left for repairs inside the house so I have to play games with the roofer and my insurance company some more. Finks! I think it's time to call the Insurance Commissioner. This crap is SO old. Blah.

But I don't want to dwell on that or I'll just get all up in knots again.

Nikki -- great weigh in! Sorry the meeting location is a downer. Maybe the new one will be better? I can sympathize on the negative thoughts. I've been full of them in the last two days.

Amy -- I haven't seen "SuperSize Me" yet. But I try to avoid fast food places as much as possible. If I have to have "fast" food I'd rather pop in somewhere and pick up a Gardenburger or Amy's Kitchen thing and microwave it at home if I can. Better still -- just cook ahead.

Paul wanted McD's last week and I was trying to compromise on Wendy's so I could at least have a baked potato but it didn't quite work out. So I had small fires and it was disgustingly oily. Ugh. Not doing that again!

I had a rough day today. Apart from roof junk, phone calls, paperwork, then cleaning in the garage. Made major progress but it hurts all over now.

I've got 4 moms from playgroup willing to come out in a few weeks to lend me a hand getting my yard in order so at least I'll have helping hands for that ordeal.

I had a busy day today -- a lot of house stuff and I feel really draggy. More later.

Well, had a good first official week at WW. I changed my meeting location and didn't really care for the group. This bothers me and I'm going to try another time and location because I think it's important. I lose 5.6 lbs and I'm happy.

I don't know what's with me, though. I'm having a hard time thinking positively. I used to be Miss Sunshine, but lately I've been Polly Pessimistic. Like during my weigh in, I thought - that's great! Then I thought, well, the first week you always lose a lot, it's only a matter of time until you gain and then quit.

JEESH!! I am my BIGGEST obstacle! I loathe that side of me and have been journaling a lot
and trying to focus on the positive to change this. I don't know what it's about. Maybe I've got a lot of thinking to do, maybe I need to do LESS thinking.

On another note, I got in some exercise today, so I'm pleased. I'm tired, though. Olivia has been resisting napping and has cut the nap she does get (after crying) to 10-15 minutes before she's awake again! ARGHHH! Maybe she just doesn't need them anyway, but the fact that she went from three naps a day, that equaled 3 hrs total and now sleeps about an hour today in two naps combined, is exhausting. Let it be a phase!

I'm glad to hear you ladies are doing well, though. And I will pass this silly funky patch of mine and stop being such a Nancy Negativity.

• Walk: 20 min

Took Julia to the park so we had a stroller walk en famille. Only Mubeenah came to play but that's ok. These playdates sometimes have a good turn out and sometimes not. We figured we'd have a good time regardless of who came and we did. But it was also nice to see her again and the kids like to play together.

Bit of a Slack Alice this weke on exercise -- my schedule was too heavy. I need to reorganize to work exercise into it liek an appointment. Goal for coming week.

Way low on calories today... kind of struggling to decide what to have for a bed time snack to put me up to at least 1800 for the day. Big problem for me this week -- eating enough on the run. SO much going on it's crazy but I'm starting to calm down a bit.

Sprinkler never showed up. Gadnabbit! I hate this. They never call me ahead of time, they say they may come and don't. Where is the roof inspector? When will my lawn be done and not look like a battlefield? Will I ever get a remodel type contractor to come do the INSIDE of the ceiling now? Argh.

Got our dedication invites done, now working on Julia's. Thankfully she's got a dress from Monique that she can wear, and I just have to cope with getting Paul and I new shirts. I have a nice skirt and he's got oodles of dress slacks but on the tops... we need some new ones. The others are looking a bit worn.

My MIL gave me a pajama set for Christmas. A tank top with pants type thing. It was too small for me at Christmas but I tried it on just now and it fits. Provided it doesn't shrink when I wash it. I have to take the tags off and bung it in the wash and see. If it does shrink, then I'll just put it away again and try it again in a few more months.

Down another 2% bodyfat. Net loss of 7 lbs for the month of March.

Nice to see progress.

Church in the morning so off to bed.

I'm with you, Amy. I've been in a mood for a few days now.

Olivia has been sick as well, the worst part is over, but it's just sooo draining. She's been clingy as well, but not knowing what she wants. Wants to be held, but also wants to be paced around the house otherwise, she arches her back and wants to get down and screams when I put her down.

Sigh... but that's a different subject and I know she's just a poorly baby and she'll be better soon.

I've been doing well with staying on program, so that's good. I still haven't added regular exercise, but I've been more active - toting around a tot, afterall! And she and I had a dance session today in our very own living room that was fun. I can feel I have more energy, so that's exciting.

My first weigh-in is on Sunday and I'm looking forward to it.