• What: 60 min hard yard work

Busy, busy. Lawn is looking way better. So's house.

But baby is still teething feverish and grouchy like hell. One tooth broke through in front, two or three molars are still coming. Hard to see in her mouth with her yelling "NO! NO! NO!" at everythign and flapping around.

Rough night last night with her -- crying, clingy, etc. NEVER have had it this miserable with previous teeth. Ugh.

So... I'm still going to be sporadic til this episode is finally over.

Thank goodness for slings!

I'm going to be scarce for a bit. Family things and then Julia.

I had the saddest treadmill walk ever last night. 1 mph, bare feet, and a grumpy, feverish baby slinging to me in a sling. She'd cry any time I put her down so I started a slow walk to try to soothe her to sleep.

Doc appt this morning -- basically keep doing what we are doing and let it run it's course.

If Julia asks me to sling her I know she's feeling bad. :(

Informal exercise yesterday.

In the form of beating the hell out of a drum and other things and then dancing with my kid and trying to get her to quit streaking.

It was at drumming circle class that we attended en famille after church. Paul was the only one of the three seriously drumming and he came out of it with red palms and feeling it in his upper body. He doesn't often get to cut loose so I had fun watching beat the stew of of our clay drum. (In class you can bring your own or share class instruments)

Julia and I explored all the instruments in the center -- shakers, bells, tambourines, little drums, guards, clacky things... all kinds of percussion. So I got to drum for a while when we were first there. I love making a racket and I much prefer beating on things to the piano lessons of my childhood that never went any where.

After a while Julia wanted to run around and alternated between dancing up front with other people who were dancing or zipping up and down the aisles. It was a bit warm -- we weren't prepared for that so next time we need to bring her a cooler outfit. I let her strip to her diaper and that helped, but eventually even that got too hot for her because she kept trying to take it off.

Amused the whole class when she was on stage and doing a crazy little naked dance while I was trying to catch her and put her diaper back on. I think next time we do that she need to wear panties. It's lighter, and she can't take it off as fast!

But we're all coming back -- way too much fun not to do it again. :)

• What: treadmill interval program 4
• Speed: 3 mph average
• Duration: 20 min
• Distance: 1 mile

Got interrupted this afternoon during Julia's nap. Mom and Dad showed up unannounced while I was trying to get this walk out of my hair so I had to stop. They woke Julia coming in so they visited with her a bit and then took off again.

Then it was late, so no chance to walk (me) or nap (Julia) and we were off to meet Paul and work and then try to hit the bookstore to see some playgroup people.

She got really tired and grumpy from the lack of sleep. Sigh.

Anyway, I got the walk done later when we got back home.

How was Star Wars? :)

Yep -- it's a "getting ready" kind of few weeks. I just got back from the gym and trying to sort out my billing problem. Their computers were wonky so the desk lady told me she'd get in touch with the corporate office and then call me on the phone when it gets settled. Then to the grocery store to get food for the pets and some odds and ends for ourselves.

We babysit our 1 yr old niece this weekend and I want to spend some time on the house and cooking ahead during the down times. Get Paul to trim the lawn too.

• What: treadmill interval program 4
• Speed: 3 mph average
• Duration: 20 min
• Distance: 1 mile

Got up early this morning, took my levoxyl, ate breakfast, banged out a quick walk, got Paul off to work, baby snores on.

There.

My day starting how I LIKE for it to start for once.

My arm is no longer red and puffed up like before. Just a mild bump around the shot site. It was freakydeaky there for a bit when it got swollen Tues. night, angy red, and went to the size of the palm of my hand. Very alarming -- never had that happen before. But all is well. Ear still a bit fuzzy sounding -- but hopepfully antibitoic will get that resolved so I can hear out of my ears properly. Very hard having conversations with people. I sound funny to myself too.

No chest congestion stuff and now that the feverish feeling has been explained and dealt with I felt it was time to get back to walking.

Kept it brief -- no point in getting ahead of myself when I'm coming of so many weeks ill. Pretty much just chucked in a movie and picked a 20 min. preprogrammed workoutoff my treadmill at random and then just zoned out for a while. Sucky part was discovering one of my fav Moving Comfort shorts has a rip in it and I don't think it is mendable. At least not at my experience level of sewing. I'll have to take it to my mom and see if she can do anything with it. Certainly can't wear it to the gym -- even mended I'd feel weird about that rip on my butt! But at least mend it for home workouts. Don't much care if Paul or Julia look at my butt in mended shorts then.

I went out to dinner with Holly this week and she hasn't seen me in months. Told me I look great -- always nice to hear. But I told her over dinner I'm REALLY feeling the pressure lately to hurry up and get fit. Julia's closing in on 16 mos of age.

Originally we talked about TTC at 18 mos and while we decided to go with 24 mos instead, her 18 mos. being right around the corner only serves as a reminder that time is tick tick ticking away.

I refuse to TTC until I'm at a fitter point because I'm NOT revisiting GD and I want a VBAC.

At the same time I don't want my children spaced too far apart and I have the PCOS infertility hurdles to take into account and allow time for.

So... pressure.

Had a bad reaction to my shot -- inflamed, hot, red. Doing better today but wow! Worse one I've every had.

I don't know. I think on the eating front, I'm going to settle at "not obviously unvegan" for now and then try to adjust from there. Making the vegan leap at home was easy but getting the hang of it when out and about is sometimes very hard. Bread, cake, pasta -- I'll deal. Just no quiche, ice cream -- more obvisouly non-vegan food.

Baby calls... mroe later.

Spoke too soon. Woke up this morning feeling gross and was tempted to cancel my appt. but I dragged myself and the baby out there. Dr. F. looked in my ears and said they are still filled with fluid and after checking my nose and throat gave me another round of antibiotics. I'd only done them for 7 days and she says in her experience it takes 10-14 to really kick it out other wise it keeps feeling like it is better and but keeps coming back.

Probably my problem all month with this lingering illness. So I have another 5 days to go and hopefully that will be the end of it for real!

Got my shot, so that's back on track. She wants me to do 1x per week for 4 weeks and then I can move to every other week. Booyah!

Going to lay down. Maybe the antibiotic will kick back fast even though I've had 4 days off of them.

Doing much better. Came back from the weekend out of town and had to spend today getting things back in order -- laundry, groceries, bills etc. But ate very well -- 5 fruit, 7 veg, and with the other food -- 2000 calories total for the day. All vegan. 82 grams of protein. Yay!

NIce to be home nad "normal" after being away and loosenign up to lacto-ovo vegetarian. I don't much like doing it but I still haven't figured out how to manage vegan on the road.

I'm shooting for 3 workouts this week so we'll see how I do. Doc tomorrow (allergist, asthma stuff) but the cold and sinus infection that had been plaguing me seems to be over and done. Hooray. :)

“Here's to today. Not everyday can we be filled with fresh motivation and excitement, dedication and willpower. And its at these times we need to push through it more. These times when the real life changes happen.”

I can’t agree with you more, Nikki. And Amy, it sounds like you’ve had more than enough of your share of crazy life stuff happening! Ouch -- poor toe!

Over here I’ve been laying low, pushing through my own junk. Coping with the stuff I can cope with and just letting go of the stuff I can’t.

Like family drama – not much I can do about other people. Just try to steer clear and minimize it’s affect on me.

Or disturbed home life -- I got the insurance company to send me a replacement check for the one that was missing. Finally! Once I can cash that I think we will be squared on our claim and I can get on with hiring another crew of house workers to wrap up repairs.

The next group has to be general contractor for fixing the inside of the house. Yesterday the landscaper got done with the new sod, sprinkler system etc. I want to take a week off from having strangers traipsing all around my house before I get a new crew in here.

I think Paul felt a bit guilty that I’m saddled with all the house insurance/repair stuff on my own because he came home yesterday and cleaned all the gutters for me without my asking.

So that's another thing done I don't have to deal with any more.

The weather – bloody hot. Gah. From past experience I KNOW summer is NOT my best season. Apart from hurricane season upon us again, we’re looking at scorching temps in the 100’s again. I can’t control the weather but I can control my fitness schedule.

Had a talk with Paul and he’s going to take the kid Tues and Thurs evenings and then Sat mornings. I can’t get to water aerobics at the pool because they’re done before Paul gets home from work. But gym’s got one water aerobics on Sat mornings and I can get to the gym late the other nights for cardio so… Monday I have an appt to reactivate my membership and deal with my online billing access so I don’t have to be doing this stuff in person. I have no idea why my online access is wonky but whatever. Get that straightened out and just get on with it.

The weight training is going to have to happen at home, so I’ve just cleared out our entire bedroom, rearranged furniture and set up for weights there. Before the baby I used to do it in the living room but she’s such a monkey and getting into things – too scared to have heavy stuff out for her to accidentally mess with. Just best off in a room I can close off from her.

Julia supervised my wardrobe sorting and I've got all my gym clothes cleaned, hung, organized, and ready to go. I won't have an MP3 player for a bit yet, but I've got fresh batteries for my poor tired ol' walkman.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with all the stuff I moved from the bedroom to the living room because it can’t stay there… probably a ruthless purging and send all this stuff off to charity.

That also part of the disturbed home life thing – with people coming in and around to work I have to keep moving things from one room to another to give them the space to work on the thing that needs working. I’m fed up with it. Simpler just to own less stuff!

But some things are falling into place -- antibiotics are done, sinus infection dealt with. Allergist appt Tues, endoc schedule for August, have to get a dental cleaning in there next week sometime, Paul's labs came back normal (hooray!), kid's caught up with her medical stuff....

While not as good as doing what I want to be doing, there's a lot of satisfaction to getting my ducks in a row.

B yesterday, C today.

Exhausted.

I really don't want to get into it heavily here, but MAN. I'm sick of family drama. Blaaaaaahhhhh.

Day 1 -- Cat's Boot Camp

1. Yoga every day for active rest. Other exercise added as I recover.
2. Keep a food log.
3. Eat in except for lunch on Mother's Day.
4. Drink 8 glasses of water each day.
5. Eat 5 fruits and veggies each day.

Bonus: Fix my gym membership billing.

4 out of 5 = 80% or "B" grade.

Busy day today -- no workout. Paul kept asking me today if I was ok and I am. Just not enough sleep and then all this stuff going on. Add that I'm not totally all there and my antibiotic makes me a bit slow... I'm not at peak performance. Better, but not at peak.

Julia's baby dedication and then lunch out and then long family visit followed by a long nap... it all went over very well. I hide a nice Mother's Day and really couldn't have asked for better. Julia took all the stimulus in stride. I think she entertained some of the congregation when she got up to dance and then tried to copy the woman doing the last hymn in sign language.

She's doing really well with potty training -- taking herself to her little potty when she has to go. Still have some accidents sometimes since she can't figure out how to get panties off well but the accidents happen on the potty. Either because she hasn't sat back far enough on the seat to get the pee into the potty insert bucket thing and it leaks over the edge of the seat or because she forgets she is wearing her underpants while sitting on there.

In a diaper or naked -- she can handle it. Even the Snappi's -- she's figured out how to get those off now. Panties she forgets she is wearing or forgets to try to take them off first and ends up peeing through them.

I was looking at my walkman (last legs, ugh) and my CD palyer (also last legs) and I think if I get through this boot camp in good shape I'm going to order an mp3 player for the gym. I need a lot of things wardrobe wise, but I know once the horrible long walks get long, I'm going to need music most of all.

I don't know how Julia will be this time around in gym daycare. Hopefully better than the last, now that she's had practice with church daycare.

I have her doc appt tomorrow sometime for her shots and then I'll want to lay low the rest of the day in case it gives her fever or something. I'm figuring maybe Thursday at the earliest I can deal with my gym billing and then go hang out with her in gym daycare for a while to start getting her acclimated. As far as when I'll be able to just leave her there and workout -- I don't know. But one thing at a time. Sick kids aren't allowed in gym day care so I have to get us both past this illness and off the antibiotics first.

Ok, Amy, I'll play with you and Mike this coming Sunday - Sat., with some adjustments. :)

RULES FOR BOOTCAMP (Cat)

1. Yoga every day for active rest. Other exercise added as I recover.
2. Keep a food log. (I don't do points)
3. Eat in except for lunch on Mother's Day.
4. Drink 8 glasses of water each day.
5. Eat 5 fruits and veggies each day.
6. Fix my gym membership billing.

I'm going to do the same reward -- $100 on new clothes. I'll give it to myself for 75% goals met or better.

No puking today. Hooray! I'm considering an easy yoga workout tomorrow to ease back into things since I seem to be well enough for that. Julia also didn't puke today AND she's acting perky so I think she's doing better herself.

[...]

Interesting article, Amy.

It reminds me of the book by same title -- The Psychology of Dieting by Sara Gilbert.

Amy, yup, it stayed down. And Julia ate all 4 0z of her soy yogurt. (Hooray!)

Now I'm contemplating dinner.

And thinking about what you wrote in your post.

"It was just one day, one minute, that I made a decision to change my life. I just need to make sure i continue making that decision, every day when I get up or every evening when I write down my food for the day."

It's pretty much what I've been thinking lately as well. Living what I believe. Not just with vegetarian/vegan eating, not just with attachment parenting, not just with fitness, not just with spiritual matters, not with just how I fit and use our home. But the whole way through, all the way across.

It's both difficult and rewarding. The cost for some, the reprogramming of habits for others.

The challenge is making it work.

Sitting here staring at my lunch:

• antibiotic pill (must be had with food)
• banana
• low sodium v8
• 1 box of Amy's Tofu Vegetable Lasagna (not vegan, but lactose free)
• bottle of water

So don't want to eat it because I threw up my breakfast this morning.

So have to eat it, because I took the pill already, and must keep milk supply up for baby.

[...]

Paul told me the other day after taking a shower that I look smaller.

I told him I knew, and I was worrying about it. He said he meant not just now that I'm sick, but in general, over the last few months.

(He knows I'm worrying right now about my dropping weight so fast while sick messing with my milk and then the baby loosing some weight while sick beause she doesn't have extra to spare really. Pukathon for both of us.)

I told him I really didn't know how to take that. And I don't. It's a mix of feelings.

I like that he noticed, but I know his feelings for me don't change even if my looks do. He's seen with with waist length hair, and a shaved head. He's seen me quite thin, and quite obese. He's seen me pregnant and not pregnant. He's seen pale, and he's seen me quite tan. With and without make-up. Shaved and hairy legged. Sick, and well. Happy and sad and sangry. Everything. I just like that more -- the fact that no matter what, he loves and accepts me however it is I am in the moment.

We shower together almost every night and have for 10+ years. So I'm used to him looking at me naked. But I'm NOT used to him letting me know he's also been checking me out behind my back too... when I don't realize it. It makes me flush, feel all giggly girly. I'm not sure how to react to this -- I never do. It's cool that after 10 years he can still catch me off guard and make me turn colors but at the same time... well, you know. He was looking.

Cough, snot, ache, puke. That's me, that is. Saw doc this morning. Got different meds.

Bright side -- sick or not, I'm still eating decently. For the nursing kid, and for myself. It is verrrry easy when not feeling well to want to go for the easy eats that are basically junk food... and so far I keep talking myself out of it.

Look all I want, but keep walking away.

And it is haaaaaarrrrdddd.