Earth to Paul

Paul and I have been having dischord in the home of the Feminine Mystique variety.

Basically revolving around the fact that there are only so many hours in the day, I can only do but so much alone, and we really need to get committed to a schedule, pare back belongings and prioritize goals.

I am NOT getting workout time nor eating well.

Now if it comes down to the wire and I just can't train enough to do the Disney half marathon, so be it. I'm willing to let that go, since it was a carrot and not the ultimate thing. The idea was to do the race to get fit for another pregnancy. I'll just train as far as I can manage -- so long as I get some gym time. That's fine.

But I'm not getting it, nor am I eating well. Now he has to step it up and either a) start cooking or b) take the kid more so I can cook in peace because I cannot cook with a child on my leg.

I don't want to have to give up work at preschool. Julia is blossoming with the social interaction and if/when second kid gets here that's where she's going for a few hours each week to give me time to bond with new baby. So I'm trying to acclimate her slowly to it by being there with her while I can be.

So we dance around the question of whether or not we can afford another child financially, emotionally, and mentally (all of these are resources we have only but so much of) I can't get him to understand that I feel pressured.

Because it is ME who gets pregnant. MY body who carries it.

So while we can jiggle finances around a litlte bit and put off deciding if our finances are ready to take on another kid...

And maybe we can evetually manage to get ourselves on a smooth running household schedule so I can add another child without feeling like the home went to hell in a handbasket for more than the babymoon... and have some time to experiement and jiggle it around some or if all else fails figure out how to hire a little temporary help...

I CANNOT procrastinate on fitness. Eating well and walks have to happen every day. Or else I won't be physically ready when it's time to TTC. And if we are shooting for a certain age gap between children...I'm running out of time. This doesn't even include the fertility hurdles I have as a PCOS patient either.

So. Yeah. Hello? Earth to Paul?

Either work with me, or let's call the whole thing off. Your lack of involvement/concern is making me grouchy. Bleah.